Reminisce

It is rather inappropriate to reminisce on the past. Especially when past brought you so much happiness and pain all at once.

After what had happened, I tried shutting away from you. You wouldn't let me. Let me rephrase that, I wouldn't let myself. You were and still are much too valuable for me to lose.

I'm doing considerable well, given the circumstances. I rarely ever think about you anymore and I have stopped myself from pushing the limits of our friendship.

Today was different. It started off as any other day. I felt neutral, neither happy nor sad. But you see, when I saw that number flashing across my phone screen, I felt a familiar feeling. My heart racing, my voice barely wanting to make a sound and my mind trying to figure out what to say.

Everything has changed except for this. I've always felt this way when you call. I'd blurt out things I really wish I could take back. I'd smile like there wasn't a care in the world.

That's the one thing I can't control. It's like my mind won't get over you. It falls victim whenever I hear you voice and to be honest, you are quite the persuader.

Don't get the wrong idea, I couldn't care less whether or not you still like me or you're having a fling with some other girl. Apart from this, I have moved on.

I wrote this so that I could remind myself to not let myself behave that way. My sincerest apologies to whoever I might have offended.

Good Night World

With love,
Ainna.

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Something different :)

This is the lyrics to the Coldplay song The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I'll set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

- This song means a great deal to me. It is how I feel in my heart deep down in the place I left open with unanswered questions. The song was right, nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard. If I could, I really would go back to the start.-

As always
With love,
Ainna.

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You never knew

"The shattering of a heart when broken is the loudest quiet ever."
- Carroll Bryant

When you look at someone as this wonderful person, you've got nothing negative to say about them. You've never thought of anything, ever.

Out of the blue, they're telling you all these things about yourself that you've never heard before. Bad things, things that you did not know.

You sit there just absolutely speechless. You don't know what to say or how to respond.

All these things that you've done and all the things that you thought were enough actually weren't enough at all. Whatever you were doing was not good enough. You did not show enough and you did not give enough or do enough.

There were things instinctively you shoul've done and you should've known to do, you just didn't know.

You don't get a second chance, sorry. You don't get one because you don't deserve one.

It's hard to understand what's going on because you thought that the only thing you've done really well in your life was this person.

Turns out, you had failed.
Then you get to the how fast they find someone to replace you.
A person that he/she has only known for a few days.
You think to yourself, how could he/she
?

You don't understand it but you have to face it either way.

* This is my blog so I am allowed to convey my emotions however I want. This was not written by me but spoken by Wayne Goss, a make up artist on youtube regarding the leaving of his best friend. It seemed to fit me so I decided to type it out. I'm sorry if this was too emotional for your liking but you know what? I don't live to impress.

With the warmth of my heart,
Ainna.

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