Today marks the 51st day. Hmm.
The first few days were rough. I could never think about him to stop myself from crying. He meant so much to me. So much. My heart ached so bad, it hurt to breathe.
I never expected us to not work. Oh all the promises we shared, now like a faded memory but still clear in my mind. He was in everything I did. I wanted to do things because of him, because he gave me this feeling I've never felt before. Maybe that was my mistake, I let him in everything in my life. I had nowhere to fall when things get bad.
He is genuinely a nice person with a good heart and an amazing personality. Atleast, that was who I feel in love with in the first place. He always said the nicest things and he'd always be so sweet to me. He was perfect and whoever wins his heart will be lucky to have him.
I was selfish and cruel. No one deserves what I did to him. If I could turn back time, I would beg then and there but because I wanted him to rest, because I knew he was tired, I left it at that. I wish he'd talk it through with me first. He made the decision so abruptly. He changed everything so fast. I was left without saying a word.
I guess he and I just weren't meant to be. As much as I miss him and all the memories we shared, I don't think we can ever be together again.
It's hard to be his friend now but I try my best because I want him to be part of my life, eventhough I know I can't have him. Atleast him being there would ease the pain by a fraction.
I hope that one day I might move on completely from him. I believe that one day in my life, I will meet the real person who I will spend my life with. And I hope that he does the same.
Where ever you are, I want to say that I only wish the best for you because you deserve a person a thousand times better than I was. A person who will fill you with light and happiness. A person who could take your hand and guide you out of that shadow you put on yourself. A person you can finally call yours.
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