New Year, Not Quite a New Me.

Let's talk about the new year shall we? Welcome to 2014. Where (or when) the rich are getting richer and well you know the rest.

Most people have already started their "New Year's Resolution(s)" by now with the same purpose. "For a better me!" they'd say.

It's always the same every year, exercise, be healthy, study, eat organic etc and yet no one seems to finish them. Almost everyone will stop in the middle.

I opt to not have a resolution. I want to see where life takes me. I want to experience what fate has in store for me. It might not be what I want, but hey? I don't mind.

My point is that I want to live. I want to explore and learn and create and define and design and interact. Now it might be true, I'll be the same old me in 2014, but I'll end it knowing that I have lived the year to the fullest. And I haven't been able to do that in what seems like a long time :)

Let's all live this year. Focus on the bright side and learn to appreciate life and each other.

Have a great year.
With love,
Ainna.

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Burning the Past

Today marks the 51st day. Hmm.

The first few days were rough. I could never think about him to stop myself from crying. He meant so much to me. So much. My heart ached so bad, it hurt to breathe.

I never expected us to not work. Oh all the promises we shared, now like a faded memory but still clear in my mind. He was in everything I did. I wanted to do things because of him, because he gave me this feeling I've never felt before. Maybe that was my mistake, I let him in everything in my life. I had nowhere to fall when things get bad.

He is genuinely a nice person with a good heart and an amazing personality. Atleast, that was who I feel in love with in the first place. He always said the nicest things and he'd always be so sweet to me. He was perfect and whoever wins his heart will be lucky to have him.

I was selfish and cruel. No one deserves what I did to him. If I could turn back time, I would beg then and there but because I wanted him to rest, because I knew he was tired, I left it at that. I wish he'd talk it through with me first. He made the decision so abruptly. He changed everything so fast. I was left without saying a word.

I guess he and I just weren't meant to be. As much as I miss him and all the memories we shared, I don't think we can ever be together again.

It's hard to be his friend now but I try my best because I want him to be part of my life, eventhough I know I can't have him. Atleast him being there would ease the pain by a fraction.

I hope that one day I might move on completely from him. I believe that one day in my life, I will meet the real person who I will spend my life with. And I hope that he does the same.

Where ever you are, I want to say that I only wish the best for you because you deserve a person a thousand times better than I was. A person who will fill you with light and happiness. A person who could take your hand and guide you out of that shadow you put on yourself. A person you can finally call yours.

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As Told By Ginger

As Told By Ginger has taught me to trust in fate.

Ginger started off being friends with Darren and they dated each other. Darren felt that Ginger was too preoccupied with other thing until he felt lonely and unwanted. Lucky for him, there was another girl he could rely on making him feel better. And so he broke up with Ginger and it made her feel like her world was crashing down into dust.
She failed to realize that Orion cared for her and really liked her. They were together.

The ending however showed Ginger and Darren as a family. I would have wanted Orion but that was what the writter wanted so can't question that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, things will be brighter in the end and if I stay in this hole I made for myself, I might just miss it :)

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